Birthday?

How is it that I dont know how to be happy on the very same day I was born 23years ago? in fact, it had been one of the most depressing day ever. took a day off and I didnt know what to do. all i know was that i have to be out from the house and go for dinner with a friend. dinner was meant to be a surprise birthday dinner for me but i somehow knew what and who were gonna be there. the real surprise was I was earlier than everyone one. I truly appreciate for them coming for the dinner, however during the dinner, I felt all alone. it was so noisy and yet I can hear my own thoughts. it made me want to cry instead. and yeap, mum forgot it was my birthday. in my whole 23 years of life, this was the very first time she forgot and there wasnt any dinner from her to celebrate it. I dont know to feel upset and thankful for it. all I can feel is that I wish there is an empty shell for me to crawl in and not let anyone find me. hopefully one day they'll forget I exist. goodbye