Friday, April 29, 2011

Men are pigs...

Why is it guys always just one that one thing and expecting nothing to happen? Arent they the most selfish bastards in the world? sigh. but I must admit, he did give me the heads up on not wanting anything serious. But how is it we can control feelings. luckily for me, im not attached to him and nothing has happened. who knows, things might happen in the future but why bother worring about it when life is indeed so short? I wont say he is using me cause I do know for a fact that Im using him as a rebound and distraction as well. lets just pray that I can stay on the staight line and not cross the line of emotions. anyway, he isnt the type of person I would wanna rely on for he is just too young and maybe can be a lil immature. I need a man, NOT a boy.. but the last i heard, the men are either taken or all dead. so, screw them....screw them all for I should not be playing in this game called love for a long period of time. fullstop!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Road to Recovery?

Two days ago..the day I would have been waiting excitedly if we were still together. Surpringly, I didnt feel the hurt as much as I thought I would feel..I must say, I am proud of myself. but I gotta admit, it was this guy at work that distracted me from thinking of the ex. isnt it cool now that I can actually say it out loud? I believe Im finally on the road to recovery. this particular guy at work, I dont exactly know how to read him. I've been telling another colleague of mine that he would be a good flirt but he wouldnt be a good boyfriend. the problem with me is, I would not how far I've fallen until I fall smack down on my face. sigh. wat am i to do now? a great distraction? but then again, what if I never learn and fall in too deep again? if only this guy is for real. the he might be a good candidate for I need someone who is fun to be with and enables me to mingle around. however, we both know what he wants from me and for my sake, I hope I wake up fast enough this time.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sparks?

There's been so many things on my mind lately and i'm sure those who have been reading my blog would know my mind is usually occupied by the love of my heart. or I thought he was but he doesn't seem to be responding lately. oh well, i've got another problem now. there's this guy in my department. i know there would never be "something" coz he's a sweet talker and I think those who know him would agree if I saw he's a flirt. anyway, i know for sure i don't feel anything for him other than "curiosity" and maybe a lil excitement after from being out of the game for so long. but the thing is, I don't trust him. I think its kinda clear on what he wants. and we're definitely NOT on the same page. however, maybe I've been playing safe for too long. I wont deny that there's an attraction but like what people say..."sometimes we shouldn't rock the boat". Maybe he's right. Mousy is indeed scared for mousy have been severely hurt before and she might never recover.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Birthday?

How is it that I dont know how to be happy on the very same day I was born 23years ago? in fact, it had been one of the most depressing day ever. took a day off and I didnt know what to do. all i know was that i have to be out from the house and go for dinner with a friend. dinner was meant to be a surprise birthday dinner for me but i somehow knew what and who were gonna be there. the real surprise was I was earlier than everyone one. I truly appreciate for them coming for the dinner, however during the dinner, I felt all alone. it was so noisy and yet I can hear my own thoughts. it made me want to cry instead. and yeap, mum forgot it was my birthday. in my whole 23 years of life, this was the very first time she forgot and there wasnt any dinner from her to celebrate it. I dont know to feel upset and thankful for it. all I can feel is that I wish there is an empty shell for me to crawl in and not let anyone find me. hopefully one day they'll forget I exist. goodbye

Friday, April 8, 2011

Sanity

Isn't it silly that until this very moment, whenever I get a message from him, my heart stop beating a lil while? and the craziest part is when even a short, simple and irrelevant reply from him makes my heart wanna burst into a million pieces of gold dust coz of the excitement and happiness I get? ok, typing it out now kinda question my sanity but that is exactly how I feel...so please tell me, how can we be over? *teardrops*

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Just a dream?

Hi world! Just got back from Penang with my bestie baby Farah after a 3days and 2nites of fun. And shhh...we got lazy and took MC yesterday! hahaha...Had loads of fun in Penang! Went to many places that I've never been to such as Nasi Kandar Beratur!! omg, that freaking place is seriously overated ok!! waited for bloody 1hour for my rice and to find it so-so,its such a disappointment. *grrrrr* But what I was most satisfied was going to Kek Lok Si Temple to pray for both mum and him. The most ironic thing was, when we were going up to the Guan Yin statue, Pink, his gf and another friend. Seriously, of all people, why pink? Thank god he didnt ask or say anything so I just pretended that I don't recognised him. sigh. Spent quite a fair bit in that temple buying those praying stuff and I don't mind at all. I just hope and wish for it to come true. bigger sigh.

Anyway, back to the real world. Its my 1st day in spa! *yay* finally right?!! =P its kinda boring over there, just folding towels and checking whether all candles are lighted up, towels/bathrobe all in place, etc... but there is a tv and sofa at the staff lounge so i get to chill out there. hehehe. oh yea, I get to wear slippers too!! wooohooo!!! hahahha..let's hope this department would be a smooth sailing one! XD

Went to watch "Just go with it" and its so cliche but yet, it never fails to give me hope. i dunno what's wrong but after watching that movie and also "Don't go breaking my heart", it really hits me. he is constantly in my mind these days and I'm far more happy to keep him there even if I don't get to be with him. Call me silly but if that's only what is left, so be it. a friend is asking me to let go, but how? how can i do that? I'm sorry, I can't. If I can't have him in real life, at least let him be mine in my dreams, my world. And if I can't even have him there, then there is truly nothing left for me in this world. G'nite y'all!